So these are my forties. Huh.

[vinceconaway]

I’ve read recently about the U-curve in happiness that hits a nadir around 46 before rapidly climbing after folks hit fifty, and I’ve noticed it in myself (https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/may/05/happiness-curve-life-gets-better-after-50-jonathan-rauch). I always wondered how my midlife crisis would manifest and now I think I know; life has become more about satisfaction than joy.

I have no regrets and I still feel very strongly that I’m fulfilling my purpose on this planet, but I don’t quite revel in it the way I once did. I love where I am and what I’m doing, don’t get me wrong, but the edge pushing me ever forward is greatly diminished.

While occasionally I still have those post-show moments where I can practically see lightning lingering between my fingertips, more often it’s a more subtle feeling of accomplishment. And I can thrive on that. I will thrive on that, unless and until something else comes along that I thrive upon more.

This post is not to complain or to elicit sympathy, just a quiet acknowledgment of my own changing perceptions and experience. It’s kind of fascinating to observe when I’m not dramatically anxious about it; my greatest struggle is my attachment to a career I adore and anything that threatens that career, whether internal or external, terrifies me.

I’ve no desire for a Ferrari, and since I think RVs are a boondoggle it’s ridiculous for me to be craving a yacht. As part of my anhedonic trend I have less desire for physical intimacy, so that’s another route I doubt I’ll take. In sum I’m happy on my path, even if my smiles are a little more subdued these days. Thank you for joining me on the journey.

Comments

[much_ado]

I'll be 51 in a couple of weeks. I'm still waiting for the "it gets better" part to kick in, but I want to see a gendered breakdown of those studies he cites. I suspect a not-so-subtle sexist bias that completely fails to account for 50+ being where (peri)menopause is wreaking havoc on women's bodies and lives, thus guaranteeing that somewhere in this decade will be long years of misery. Maybe we generally get better or happier once we're in full menopause, but during the runup? "Life is better after 50" is a crock of horsehsit for those of us stuck riding THAT particular ride through to the end...

[vinceconaway]

I feel for you and I hope things look up for you soon.