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Oct. 19th, 2017 10:19 am
speccygeekgrrl42: (a cage lined with books : Root)
[personal profile] speccygeekgrrl42
Further adventures in crazyland:

Yesterday I had an almost perfect day. I skipped out of work early because I didn't feel well, Spencer picked me up and we went to see the Princess Bride at Crossgates because it was being shown for a 30th anniversary thing. I... sort of set my hair on fire trying to smoke a bowl before the movie, that was terrifying for the two seconds there was flame in front of my face, but I didn't get injured and my hair doesn't look damaged now that I brushed the burnt parts out. After the movie we walked around the mall a little and then came home and rolled around in bed for a bit having super romantic full eye contact sex (seriously, our sex life is so good, my sex life has never been this good before) and lazed around a bit before we went to his brother's new house to check it out (it's huge).

His brother Chris (twin brother, but fraternal, they don't look alike and they are absolutely nothing alike personality wise) is getting married in December, so we spent like the last 20 minutes we were there talking about the upcoming wedding. I keep... not-joking about marrying Spencer. Like "Marry me so you'll be on my insurance and I won't have to worry about you having another seizure," but meaning it like "Marry me so I will have you forever because that's what I want out of life." I was joking about the Pokeball engagement ring, but he said it would have to be a Master Ball because he's a Legendary (lol). But... I found a Master Ball engagement ring. The silver version is $200. If I sold everything in my Etsy store right now plus a couple pieces of jewelry, I could afford to buy it.

However. Spending money on a ring might not be feasible because there is a chance he might get fired from his job today. Tomorrow is his birthday and he's been planning a trip to NYC, but they didn't give him the time off he requested. There is 0% chance he will be at work on Friday or Saturday, so he's going to tell them so at the beginning of his shift tonight and just walk out if they say he'll be fired for it. So... that's kind of terrifying because there's no way I can afford to support us both on my salary. And the job market around here sucks and he's not really qualified to do a lot of things and he'd definitely have to take a pay cut and... I just want him to have a job that doesn't make him miserable. I hate how miserable working as a chef makes him. Not the work, but the situation and the people all suck.

...anyways last night after going to Chris's house we got Five Guys and came home to watch TV and eat, and then he gave me a backrub and cuddled me and... I still ended up crying. Because even though it was a perfect day I got to spend watching my favorite movie and having my favorite food with my favorite person, my stupid fucking bipolar disorder was like "you're sad tho lol". But... he cuddled me more. And told me he loves me a lot. And that he doesn't just put up with me, he really loves being with me. And that helped. Sometimes I feel like I'm just so much more trouble than I'm worth. But he's really, really good for me and to me.

I just ordered our Halloween costumes-- we're going as Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank (of course, lol). We don't have any place to GO in these costumes, but I wanted to have them. I'm asking McKenna to make me a Kinga coat so I'll have most of the Forrester family in my cosplay repertoire.

Our anniversary is Thanksgiving. We're probably not going anywhere for it. I guess it depends on if he has a job or not. I'd like to go home for Christmas, but we can't stay long because his brother's wedding is December 30th. (Open bar. I'm going to attempt to stay within the realm of decorum as far as getting wasted goes. The reception is at the Fort Orange Club. Fucking rich people...) I have to get a dress for this that I can also wear for McKenna's wedding, so I have... a little over two months to do that. Of course, during holiday season. My giftgiving is going to be shoddy this year. Too broke.

I just have been very lowkey sad and listless lately, which is stupid because I'm in a great relationship, I love my job, and I have plenty of time to write (when I have the inspiration to, anyways). But I've been slacking on self-care and way, way neglecting my mental health upkeep. I see Mary in November, I should have seen her before that but I just dropped the ball on doing what I need to do to stay sane.

Oh, the library offered us different health care plans this year and the one I'm switching to is SO MUCH BETTER than the one I'm on now. All my mental health will be covered AND it's only a $10 copay to see them after I go through the (library-funded) deductible. My meds will be $25 for 90 days of everything I need. This is the plan the union suggested last year when we were going through the contract bullshit and Management were just dicks about it and we all ended up with shitty plans because of it. I'm glad they finally got on board.

Still writing MST3K fic, gearing up to continue (maybe finish?) Mistakes for NaNoWriMo. If I can just get Mistakes to the point where it becomes Lovers From the Moon, I'll be really happy. That's about 6 years of stuff, so I have to cover: how Kinga built the moon base and got it to the moon (her ex-girlfriend and hacker extraordinare Root and her grandma's banana Brain Guy, respectively), how Kinga got expelled from Gizmonics (and got injured when her lab exploded), actually going to the moon, creating the Boneheads, resurrecting dinosaurs, planning the MST3K revival, and I think the last part of Mistakes is going to be Kinga and Max catching Jonah and talking out how they're going to run the show ("we need to make it funny... just treat me as badly as your dad treated mine on camera, that should be comedy gold"). And then when I get to Lovers... Kinga has to take over the USA, marry her boyfriends before she has her baby, and then I want to write some cute family stuff.

Also, everyone on the Discord has gone crazy creating their own original Boneheads since one person wrote a story where Kinga clones Jonah except his clone is half-Bonehead. Actually the lady who's writing it is the most popular fanartist in the fandom! And she's super nice! Her name is Jaime and she's really lovely and her story is wonderful and her art is amazing and I'm sending her a birthday box with a panda blanket because her clone Ray has been nicknamed "pandabro" and just... it's cute. It's really cute and also sad and it's just a very good story. And also it's nice having someone else on the Discord who's my age. We are on the same wavelength. It's really cool.

Tomorrow is Spencer's birthday, but he's going to NYC without me (I'm fine with this, he's going to gaming stores and arcades and bars so I'd be bored and miserable if I went). Saturday (2 days!) I have a game night. Possibly Sunday (3 days!) I will get to see Alex and exchange very belated birthday gifts with her. Next week (8 days!) I am seeing Fall Out Boy in Boston with Emily and Sadie and Colby. I haven't been to a concert since May and I'm getting twitchy from the need for live music. It will be good to do these things.

So... I'm just crazy. I'm always crazy. Slightly more crazy than usual, these days. But my life is going pretty well. Just have to keep my head above water.

Terminology question

Oct. 13th, 2017 01:59 pm
ilanikhan: (Default)
[personal profile] ilanikhan
What do you call a poly person with only one partner?  What about 2? 3? "Many"?

Can't call the one partnered person single.  But what if someone had many partners and lost most of them in short order - they've gone from poly (with a full dance card) to...poly but?

Update on Dr Stuff

Oct. 10th, 2017 04:22 pm
ilanikhan: (Default)
[personal profile] ilanikhan
 Update on my last post about my doctor's appointment wherein she was going to refer me to the doctor that treats transfolk.

I got a call yesterday at 4, with an appointment for Dr. Visram, and it's only 2 months away.  This made me very happy.  Given that I waited for the Endo for something like 8 months, and Gyn2 for 6 months, and the sports medicine dr for over 6 months, and and and.

So I looked her up on the internet.  Turns out she's a highly regarded...PSYCHOLOGIST.

It's reprehensible that transfolk have to go see psychologists in order to access treatment.  It's ... confusing?... that I have to.

My next step is to call my Endo today to ask how a psychologist can help me achieve my goal of getting my treatment plan for my hormonal problem reviewed.  The only sensible* reason in my head is that you need a psychologist to refer you to the endo that has the right specialty and that those endos only take referrals from certain psychologist.

Nothing like access to the healthcare one needs without a gatekeeper, eh?

More to come


* Okay, there's one other reason, but it's kind of paranoid and completely ridiculous.  It's that my Kingston records contain an emotionally difficult revelation regarding my gender/sex and the endo doesn't want to be the one to tell me.

ETA: I have called the Dr's office and they have written her a note about my concerns, I may have a phone call with her, maybe another appointment.

Edit2: Okay, turns out I've been referred to Dr. Hasina Visram, not Dr. Faizah Visram.  Dr. Hasina is an endo, and I didn't compare addresses.  

Turkey Feast aftermath

Oct. 9th, 2017 10:21 am
ilanikhan: (Default)
[personal profile] ilanikhan
Dishes are done, the tea towels are soon to go into the laundry, the tables are cleaned and back in their place.
I have one more dishwasher load to do and one crockpot to clean.

Next up: Baking a cake for work - because there's not enough food!

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