The Leap

I love rock n roll documentaries. Every musician has the same story up to the point when some launch into the stratosphere, some carve out respectable music careers, and others walk away; there's a bond I feel watching VH1 specials and chuckling "I've played that gig". But there's that inflection point.

I'm really happy with the route my career has taken. To my mother's bewilderment I don't want fame, and wealth seems to create as many problems as it solves. The divergence I'm more interested in is between those who go pro and those who do not.

As a musician there comes a time when music won't pay the bills but there's no time for more gigs because of the day job, and there's a choice to be made. I have no intention of denigrating those who make the other choice, but I'd like to acknowledge the leap of faith involved in taking the big step.

It's hardly unique to the arts. Many businesses have a point where they can't expand without more staff, for example, but can't afford more staff until they expand. It's a calculated risk, but still involves diving off the board and hoping there's water in the pool.

It's been on my mind this week as I've tried busking two new cities, Trapani and Marsala. I'm always petrified with anxiety as I scout and set up, but only until I play the first song. At that point I relax and fall into the groove, and I've finally deciphered why: my fear isn't that I'll fail but that I'll lose the nerve to try at all.

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